the four right chords can make me cry

post 400
Movie Review Time!
King Kong

Best show of the year!!! If only i'd stop taking itself so seriously and file itself under it's true category: Comedy. That's right. Comedy. With the capital "C" and all. You know, Comedy, ha-ha, funny.

Incidentally, this is what the blue eyed leading lady was attempting at various stages throughout the show, which unfortunately, was NOT funny. At all. Juggling CGI stones and body double cartwheels do not amuse this discerning movie-goer, no! But who am I to question the sense of humour of a 20 foot CGI/animatronic gorilla.

But seriously now, I did not like this show. And the reason is simple, objective, and convincing. Why? Because I hate bugs, and there was a gratuitously long scene where many disgusting, kong-sized bugs make their appearance and crawl all over and/or devour human beings. Not pretty. Me squeamish. The bugs were pretty fugly too.

One of the redeeming scenes in this movie, though, has to be the dino chase scene. Car chase scenes are like, sooo, 1990's! (Yeah! Like, totally!) Large prehistoric reptiles falling over themselves with comedic timing in domino fashion is enough to make anyone LOL. so, LOL!

Another thigh-slapping moment is when the T-rexes and KK fall into this cliff thing, and the action doesn't end there. Like, duh! Of course the next logical step would be to have them caught in nice big strong ropy vines that suspend them in mid-air for some good ol' 1920's style air rage! Go KONG!

And we all know KK is like, super intelligent and all cos' he can like, run around and jump here jump there and still manage not to smush leading lady person! Poor verbal communication aside, the chimp has awesome motor skills. You gotta give him that. Let's not forget that sense of humour, don't we all love a leading man with a good sense of humour? Like how adorable, giant monkey sliding around on the ice and playing in the snow in central park. Kawaii! (^_^)

Eh, what other leading man? Oh you mean the Pianist dude! Nah, he just writes screenplays. Any monkey can do that!

No larh, actually, I thought Adrien Brody was extremely cute. Sure, he isn't all furry and chest-thumping alpha male, but thats what I like about him. Guys should shave. Gorillas are just too hairy. It's gross.

But if a giant gorilla saves you from not one, not two, but three free steak-knives! umm I mean T rexes, you might change your mind, and I don't know, maybe fall in love with one of them? Their CGI/animatronic eyes really portray depth and emotion and inner beauty! I guess that's why Peter Jackson had so many (ma)lingering screen shots of KK's face.

Phew, this review is rather long, doncha think? Well the movie itself is pretty long, in excess of 3 hours. So don't drink too much coke. Darryl did. And he wanted to pee, just at the halfway mark of the show. Me, being the considerate person that I am, then proceeds to make those noises grandmas make to induce little boys to pee. Once the credits started rolling, I start singing "Peace like a river", with actions! Oh, no reason. I put it down to my irrepressible youthful exuberance. =D

Ok, ok. To it's credit, the film does very briefly touch on some aspects of interest. The tragedy of Ann Darrow's life, which really is a self-fulfilling prophecy, happiness really doesn't last for her. Every tender moment she has with KK is shattered by dinosaurs, or rabid giant bats, or machine guns, or aeroplanes. Sorry dear, I guess it just wasn't meant to be. Seriously now. The opening scenes were pretty good, painting a picture of the poverty and disillusionment of the 1920's. But then again, I'm not sure if it was deliberate or accidental. I sometimes read too much into these things. Then we have the issue of showing up how we nasty humans react to things we don't understand or cannot control. It was a serious issue, but dealt with such a heavy hand (pun intended), that it came across as really preachy and lop-sided.

What I REALLY didn't like was how the "natives" of the ficticious Skull Island came across. They appeared completely savage, violent, and ignorant. They seemed more animal-like than Kong. I found that absolutely ridiculous, how they tried so hard to humanize a computer graphic, but reduced actual human beings to scowling, gibbering beasts, murderous and screaming for blood. I can forgive the absurdities of the plot, like how the T rexes were hell-bent on eating the snack-sized carrot stick of Ann Darrow when there was a nice, fleshy monkey up for grabs. But not the fact that they chose to make the natives look like that. Disgusting.

The European superiority inherent in the whole idea of adventure sickens me. Discovering undiscovered lands? It's so pompous to disregard the entire civilisation that was obviously in place. Conquering the natives, thinking they could be subdued with a chocolate bar. Gah! Darn Imperialists! That caricature of the Chinese dude on the ship, pig-tailed and ingratiating. Interestingly enough, Singapore was mentioned several times during the film. Hmmm...

Struggling to say something nice about the film! Errrrrm... I liked Ann Darrow's hat.

So, is this a good movie? NO! But is it worth your money? Considering the length to dollar ratio and the sheer entertainment value, its a resounding YES!

posted by beckyboo @ 1:53 AM